The night tastes like salt
by BRiNItA
Summary: OneShot! Dylan drinks his frustations away,breaks up with Kelly, and the one thing that makes life worth living is lost to him forever... or is it?


_**This is a One-Shot I had lying around, the next chapter of "From london, to Dylan, with love" is almost ready, and so is chapter six of "Back to your heart" and "The influence" will be updated very soon. I know I promised it would be updated this weeked and I'm terribly sorry but I've got finals! S you know how it is right? but well... step by step I'll be finishing al my stories, and in the meantime here's something I hope you enjoy! pls R&R **_

_**I used the lyrics from a Sister Hazel song in this fanfic. lots of love and pls do tell me how this may be improved.**_

He had gone and done it.

Dylan Mckay broke through order and calm and a glass shattered against his bedroom floor. When you want a drug as much as he wanted her, you do anything to get it. And should everything else fail, you destroy whatever you can find, including yourself.

He wanted to end it, destroying himself one piece at the time.He wanted to fall apart, only he couldn't.One forced laughed filled with desperation came out of his mouth. His lips were dry, so was his throat. Taking a look at the room surrounding him he sighed, both hands made their way through his hair, messing it ot more than it already was.

Feeling quite unsure standing on his own feet, he made his best to recognize himself on the mirrow.

"...And there you are". Dylan tried to take a deep breath as he made his way to the minibar. Douzens of little bottles reminded him of the night before. He poured himself another glass of scotch and hear someone knocking on the door. The boy drank his liquor as he thought of her face and anger overcame him.

There was another knock. "Beat it!" was his response."Dylan, it's me, open the door!" The woman in the hallway sounded very upset. "It figures". Thinking he might as well get it over with, he walked to the door and opened it.

-Dylan, you promised...

So many years of trying, and everything fades in a moment.

-Yes well... old habits die hard... make yourself at home – He turnd his back on her and before he knew it he was facing the minibar again.

"What are you doing?" Kelly Taylor took a few steps closer to him, but dared not to take the glass out of his hands. "Getting a refill. Help yourself, Kelly".

Dylan, why? I can't believe you did this, three days ago you were fine! What happened?

What can I say?- He sipped half his glass -You know me, I like to be unpredictible – She was furios, and how could she be anything else? Why, after all this time...

-I can't go through this again, what you expect me to do?

I don't want you to go through anything, Kelly. Do whatever you want. That's what I am doing, can't you see?

Her eyes were swollen, her lips were shaking, and her insides burning with anger. Who did he think he was? Why, after all she'd done? He'd gone and done it this time.

They'd been in Palms Spring for three days now. Brenda and Brandon had been in California for two weeks, and Dylan had not been himself since then. That's why Kelly was so happy when he proposed her to get out of town for a couple of days, but now... why had she agreed? He was acting a bit strange in Beverly Hills but at least he was sober. She had hope this trip would solve some of the troubles they were having, and now...

I'm sick of this- the girl said -And I hate you for doing this to me!

I'm not doing anything to you, not anymore, I'm doing it to me.

Yeah, I guess you are right, because I'm leaving.

Door's right there...

Door's right there? He had some nerve. Kelly regarded him with contempt. It still hurt, there was no doubt.

You selfish, son of a bitch...- she muttered, loud enough for him to hear-I'm ending this, Dylan. I don't care what you do anymore.

Makes two of us... - He said, having trouble to keep his eyes open.

"Yes."She said "Only you will come back, as you always do, and I won't be there waiting for you anymore."

"Don't hold your breath." Was his answer. She gave him one last look full of dispise and left the room. He heard the door slamed, and hated himself for the way he had treated her. After all, this was not really her fault.

He had lost Brenda forever the moment they saw eachother face to face again when she returned to Beverly Hills two weeks ago, he just knew it, he had seen into her eyes and found no love left. She had hugged him, kissed him hello and forgot him. She was _really _over him this time, he could tell. And now he had ruined things with Kelly.

He got off the couch, not as easily as he would have wanted to, and drank some more, rubbing his tired eyes with one hand. Looking up he found his reflexion staring back at him from the mirrow placed on the bedroom's wall. "You've gone and done it this time, Mckay."

Well, if everything was lost, he would lose himself in the process, as he had told Kelly, he sisn't care anymore. He didn't care what became of him, he was done for without her, and she had left him, gone into a place where he could not follow her: a place where their love belonged to the past, and it was okay not to yearn for eachother anymore. This time he made the glass shatter against the wall with all the intention.

He would fall apart, there was no doubt. But not yet. He could wait, he had waited more than he ever thought possible.

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBD

The next evening, the old gang was reunited (almost completely reunited) at the twins house's living room. Brandon, Brenda, Steve, Janet, Donna, Kelly and David. Conversation was nice and almost nobody wondered what Dylan was doing and where, though Brandon had been a little anxious the whole afternoon. It was almost ten o'clock, and suddenly, all his unspoken questions were answered as he heard a fast car parking nearby and a car's door strongly slamed.

"What is that?" asked Janet as she heard car wheels scratching paviment. Brenda instinctively searched for her brother's eyes. She couldn't explain how, but she knew what the noise was, and one glimpse to Brandon told her hi knew it too.

"I don't know..."Brandon lied, before looking at Brenda and leaving the couch where he had been seatted.

The question broke through all their ears and put nervous looks on all their faces. "Are you happy now!" A rough voice coming from outside the house yelled, a voice they all knew. A voice Brenda knew as well as the car sound she'd heard ten seconds before.

It was happening all so fast. One minute they were not even thinking about him and the next? Next moment his voice was taking the breath out of everybody's chest.

The rain was not extremly strong, but it could still be heard inside the house where the friends were.

Is that... -Donna started.

It's Dylan!- his husband exclaimed what they all but Janet already knew.

Dylan Mckay made his way from his car to the Walsh house front yard, which was something, considering the level of alcohol in his body. Cold rain brushing against his trembling body, but he didn't feel the cold. He felt nothing anymore, or maybe he felt averything he had been trying to keep bottled up for years... all at the same time, what was the difference? It all ended here, and he was there to let her know.

"It's all over for you, isn't it? It will all turn out just fine!" He shouted, standing in the middle of the yard, looking at the courtain that covered the front windows.

"What's Dylan doing here?" Asked Donna.

"I thought he was still out of town" Steve murmured.

"...Yeah!" Dylan's screams again, tearing up everyone's brains. What was he doing there? Brenda knew he had been drinking as soon as the car parked. Maybe even before that, when he and Kelly had gone to say goodbye before leaving four days ago... she had seen the battle inside him as he paced around the kitchen talking to Brandon. She remembered the way he had avoided her gaze a couple of times. Brenda had felt scared, knowing this was a battle he would not win, not this time. As he and Kelly drove away she had wished with all her heart she was mistaken, but there he was.

"Shouldn't we take him in?" Janet looked around and found the six friends equally puzzled.

Dylan took a few uncertain steps in the yard, regarding the house and somehow feeling sure he was being heard. Heard by her. "Yeah... it's always easy for you..." God, even now... now that they were both giving up, she was still the one listening from inside the living room andhe was the one shouting his guts out outside in the fucking rain.

In times like this, when he was forced to watch his whole world crumbling, it was easier to think she had always be the first to walked away. Yeah, he had cheated on her some seven years ago or so, and why? Who had left who in the first place? Breaking up with him out of the blue, then going to France... breaking up with him again, then going away to Minnesota and leaving again to freagging Europe, Breaking up with him in England and coming back two years after as if it was anything else, who did she thought she was? He was sick of being the bad guy all the time. Of course he was a screw up, so he had acknowledged the part, he destroyed everything he touch, eventually, but if she didn't even care... if she was over it, then there was no reason why he should keep on carrying the weight. Hell with everything, to hell with her forgiveness, he did not need that, nor did he need her pitty, he was now free to throw it all to her face.

"We just broke up" with a mortified face Kelly explained Janet the reason Dylan had to behave the way he was doing. "I guess he was drinking again".

"This is not your fault, Kelly" Janet comforted her. "Yeah, I know". Brandon tried to make aye contact with Brenda, knowing there was only one person who could pushed Dylan over the edge like that as well as keeping from it. For two seconds he succeded, but his sister looked away biting her lip faster than he would have wanted.

Everyone was now standing, pacing up and down the room with heavy gazes. Brenda found herself a little forward than the rest of her friends with her back turned to them, and her eyess locked on the window that allowed the to see Dylan whilst he was unable to see them. Kelly Taylor stepped a closer to her friend. Only Brenda eyes were the same than before she left them so many years ago, every other bit of her aspect had altered a little. Her hair, her clothes, her nails, her walking, ever her voice.

"I guess this must be hard for you... to see him like this?" She softly asked Brenda. Yeah well, they'd both loved Dylan, each of them in her own way, it didn't matter if Brenda had loved him the most (Kelly knew that was the truth). They had both cried for him and enjoyed life with him at different times. Brenda tried to let out the words, but she had trouble finding her voice. She couldn't take her eyes off the boy standing outside her house in the rain.

"...It's always hard." She whispered, more to herself than to Kelly. Brandon got rid of all the space between them, and took his sister's hand.

Still outside, fought for air, the cold breeze was not doing it for him. His shirt, his troussers, everything was soaked now. His instinct took one hand to his hair, he almost pulled it as he felt water coming down through his cheeks, knowing he wasn't able to fight his bitter tears any longer and hating himself and everyone else for it.

"I don't care, you know?... Not anymore!" Was hope stronger than love? Maybe love had died long ago, and now all hope was lost. In a world where everything you care for is certain to fade away, he would end up drowing insde himself. He was tired. The scotch was taking his toll. Years of retained tears and bittersweet love were taking his toll. "It all comes and goes with you!".

"I knew he would come back... but not like _that_." Kelly commented. "Maybe I should go home with him..." Steve shook his head "No, Kelly. It's not safe."

"You don't understand, he won't leave without me... he's always like this, everytime we..."

An empty bottle hit the grass. Why the hell had he had all thet much to drink and... what did it mattered now? He wanted to scream all his missery out. He wanted her heart to shattered just as his had. Dylan had no strenght left, nevertheless he was still standing, cold fabrics sticking to his skin because of the water. His foot kicked and he felt the wet dirt. He wouldn't take the blame, not anymore, because he had loved her more than any man had ever loved a woman before, and this was all her doing. How could he change what he was? She had said hundreds of times she loved him as he was, but she had abandoned him anyway. He had done sacrifices for her too. If he was a coward, well so was she.

"Who's running from who?... answer me!"

David Silver knew something had to be done, if only he knew what, if only his mind was not so blury. "The police will come..." he finaly said, for lack of something better. Brenda took a step closer to the window. She didn't know if she wanted him to see her or not. She prayed Brandon would do something but didn't ask him to, and he did not move.

Two years ago, when Dylan had started drinking again in London, she had promised herself not to go down that road again. She would have helped him out of it, but he had given up. "You are better off" he had told her. If he was not sure their love was worth fighting for, then why should she be the one who suffered, all over again?

"I know you... better than _anyone_!" Dylan yelled, arms wide opened "_I_, know you!!... and even if you try to hide it... even if you lie to yourself... I _know_, that you came _back_ because of me!" He wanted to destroy something before destroying himself. Love couldn't save him from what lied inside him. Not anymore. As he felt his empty palms and his breaking voice rised to the black sky, he knew peace would never find him again, because she had renounced to him and she was the only thing worth to hold on to in the mayhem of his life.

"You _can't_ stay away from me! No more than I can stay away from you!..." Feeling his feet were failling him, he fell on his knees and covered his face with his hands. Inside the house, Kelly was starting to realize what is was all about, as she saw tears brushing down Brenda's face.

"Is this because the two of you broke up or..."."Or what?" Kelly snapped at Janet. "Well..." David dared "Seems like..."

"I _am_ flawed!... I'm completely fucked _up_! But you will always... _always_ let me find you, cuz you know deep inside... that you _cant stop_ loving me!" More than anything he wanted to believe it was true. It wouldn't do him much good, but if he was going down... if he was gonna hit bottom, he needed to take that with him, because, as stupid as it was (and here he bit his lip) he fucking loved her anyway.

"Damn it!... I wish I could hate you!"

_**I once was looking for a lifetime with you  
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear  
"I do" and "I do"  
And I do a number on myself  
And all that I thought to be  
And you'll be the one  
That just left me undone  
By my own, hesitation  
and for the million hours that we were  
well I'll smile and remember it all  
then I'll turn and go  
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done.**_

Well I'm on a champagne high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why  
On a champagne high  
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie  
On a champagne high, high

Spring turned to summer  
But then winter turned to mean  
The distance seemed right  
At the time it was best to leave  
And to leave behind  
What I once thought was fine And so real to me  
And while I'm still gone  
On the quest for my song  
I'm at your celebration

Yeah what little I have you can borrow  
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...

Well I'm on a champagne high, so high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering "why"  
On a champagne high, so high  
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie  
On a champagne high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering "why"  
On a champagne high... high...  
So high so high you left me undone  
so high, so high you left me undone...  


Janet: My lord...

Donna: Brenda...

Janet: I thought you said this was about you, Kelly.

Kelly: and who says it's not?

After that he just caved in. Cracking up, breaking down, tears falling freely. He cursed, angry to see what he had been reduced to.

Brenda's heart missed a beat as she watched the boy that had become the man who still was the love of her life. Holding her breath and crying at the sight of him. In the world she and Dylan had created together there were no points in between. Looking back, underneath it all, she always knew she was stronger. Love can wear you out. Back in London he had given up, now two years later she doubted he had any force left within him.

Dylan took a little comfort in the wet grass beneath his knees. It was firm, and for the first time in the evening he felt cold. Love had become a weakness long time ago, now it was nothing but a burden. Seeing his life in a turmoil of images he relized Brenda was not meant to be in it forever. The times they had sheared now seemed like brief moments of joy, followed by long periods of despair. She was a luxury he could no longer aford. Dylan buried his hands as deep as he could on the soft dirt and squeezed it between his fingers trying to get a get a grip on himself. He knew a confession at this point would be somewhat pitiful. He had confessed his love to that woman so many times before and now he felt ashamed of himself.

"...You brake me from inside!" He finally managed between the sobs "It _burns_ not having you!... is that what you wanted to hear?!"

Still inside the house, Brenda covered her tearful eyes and for a moment she tried to imagine Dylan's life had not turned out to be this miserable, that the person she loved the most had not reached the point of no return, and that she hadn't contributed to it. Kneeling down on the wood floor. Breathing in and breathing out. Time seemed to be standing still as Brandon hugged her from behind.

Dylan swallowed through the tears and the bump in his aching throat seemed smaller. He wanted out. The pressure over his chest was excruciating.

_**Yeah what little I have you can borrow  
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue... **_

The walls were falling down and all that was left was plain old Dylan. Good for nothing Dylan. He had been pretending half his life, and didn't want to pretend anymore. Leting her into his world had been the worst and best thing he had ever done. Not having her was exausting. Life without her was unbearable.

"But all I do... _everything_ inside me!... _all_ I _am_... is because of you!" he admitted with all the might of his throat.

_**while your story's completed mine is a long way from done. **_

_**  
Well I'm on a champagne high**_

_**  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why**_

"Is it not enough?... Will it ever be enough!"

Brenda muttered his name to herself with shaking lips. All her emotions were drawning her. Beneath the stormy night, Dylan ultimately let go. No hope or pride left. This being who he really was.

"Brendaaa!... _please_!" He yelled, swallowing the salty water rolling into his mouth. "Please!... don't you just... _Breeeen_!!!"

The air had left the room where the friends were standing long ago. They just stood there, amazed and heartbroken. Brandon felt his sister freeing herself gently from his hold and had not to turn around to know how she stormed out of the room towards the front door. Drenda opened it and stood in the rain for a second before walking to meet him. Dylan looked up and his eyes found hers speeding towards him. He rised and met her half way through the yard.

He did not know why she was out there and he didn't care, or maybe he knew it too damn well but dared not to believe it. His arms wrapped around her body as soon as she was within his reach, and he held her tight, sobbing against her now wet shoulder and feeling her hand caressing his hair.

Looking through the window, Donna couldn't fight the tears anymore and squeezed Brandon's hand as David hugged her. Kelly, although disapointed, couldn't help to be touched, she knew, as well as everybody else that this was only the beginning of a very tought time for Dylan. A twinge of jealousy bit her heart, but she had been waiting for this to happened for a long time now, when Brenda came back, she knew deep inside she and Dylan were through.

Brenda held Dylan's shivering body and, as she had so many times before, made him know there was still a safe place for him in the wolrd. No words were needed, he knew her. Better than anyone he knew her. She was a fighter and she was his. How he had longed for her in the past years, and there she was. Bren smiled to herself as she felt Dylan's arms around her. She knew it was a never ending ride with him and her, one that started so many years ago, and now she was getting in again, accepting the challenge once more, the challenge of proving love could defeat anything else. As screwed up as he might be, he still took her breath away with his touch; she thought it a good sign.

-Why did you leave me...- He whispered, his voice breaking in her ear.

-Hush – Bren said softly, caressing his lips with hers in a sweet kiss. Dylan lost himself in her huge eyes and found everything he had been looking for. -I'm always here – Bren assured him, just before Dylan's lips found hers again in a more passionate embrace.


End file.
